really real

Today when I got home from work, a box rested on my doorstep. A different package, one I had been expecting, had been delivered over the lunch hour, so I wasn't really anticipating anything more. As soon as I stooped to pick it up, I realized what it contained.

My author copies of the book finally arrived. Five, pristine copies, hot off the press, are all mine. It's. It finally exists. People will read it, and libraries will buy it.

Even though I've been expecting my book to arrive in the mail any day, I'm still in shock. I burst into tears when I took the first copy from the box and held it in my time. It was all really overwhelming. I can't even say why I cried, but it was the only thing I really could do at the moment.

As I type, the shock is fading into relief with some inklings of joy. It has been such a long journey, and I'm just so glad to finally see the finished product at the end of it all.

unfolding my soul

"Introspection means talking to yourself, and one of the best ways of talking to yourself is talking to another person you can trust, to whom you can unfold your soul. One other person you feel safe enough with to allow you to acknowledge things—to acknowledge things to yourself—that you otherwise can’t. Doubts you aren’t supposed to have, questions you aren’t supposed to ask. Feelings or opinions that would get you laughed at by the group or reprimanded by the authorities."

~ Excerpted from "Solitude and Leadership" by William Deresiewicz, from The American Scholar

I love that idea that by being open with another person about the inner workings of your soul is really a form of introspection. Rather than make broad assumptions, I'll just speak for myself here. I only rarely meet someone with whom I connect with so deeply that I feel like I can share all of myself with them. With most people I hold part of myself back mostly because I'm unsure of whether they'll accept all of me or even be interested in knowing me that intimately. Perhaps others connect deeply with people more frequently, but I suspect that isn't the case. Perhaps each of us is only meant to have that deep connection with a few people in our time here on earth.

At this moment, I'm just feeling very grateful for the ones who know me from the inside out and love me all the same. They're worth holding on to.