Monday, January 23, 2006

between comatose and conscious

Sometimes right before I wake up in the morning, I seem to enter a state somewhere between comatose and conscious. That might not be the best way to describe it, but it's all I've got at this point.

I'll be laying there mostly asleep, and my body feels like dead weight. I'm not sure if I'm thinking or dreaming, but I'll get the sense that someone is trying to come into my apartment. My brain kind of perks up at this point and sends out little panic signals as it tries to tell my body to wake up. It sends all of the signals to move certain muscles, but my body won't move even a fraction of an inch.

After trying to move for a while, my brain seems to wake up a bit more and realize that no one is trying to get into my apartment so there's no need to panic. The next thought is the realization that my body still won't move. I can't make my legs move or lift my head. Nothing. It takes an enormous amount of concentration to even open my eyes. It's so weird.

After a while I'll totally wake up - mind and body - but even when I do, I feel absolutely exhausted. I really have no explanation for any of it. It's just really odd.

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