lost and found

Some of you know this and some of you may not, but I broke up with Diego almost two months ago. Although I changed my relationship status on Facebook, I immediately deleted the notification that would have shown up on all 350 of my "closest" friends' news feeds. At the time I just couldn't handle the potential stream of e-mails and phone calls and questions, and the thought of having to repeat the story (or variations of it) over and over again just seemed overwhelming. So I took a very passive approach to breaking the news.

Even now I don't feel up for any sort of mass announcement, so this post--whatever you might thing it is--is not intended to rehash the break up, to cast blame, or to paint anyone as a villain. I have no need to disrespect him or us and post all of the tiny reasons for and nuances of the break up for anyone to read. The only thing I will say about it is that it was my choice and that I believe I made the right choice. I have a lot of peace about the decision even now.

What this post is about is how I feel like part of me got lost over the last few years. I am largely to blame for that. I think the people-pleasing part of my personality is such that I want to make others happy, to be who they want me to be, to make things easier for them. I have never been a fan of conflict. Wait... that was an understatement. Let me rephrase: I have a huge aversion to interpersonal conflict. So perhaps over time, I let bits and pieces of myself slip away without even realizing it. Maybe it was easier to let those things about myself slide than to make issue over what individually seemed like small things.

Right now I'm in the process of finding those pieces of myself. I'm remembering the things that brought me here. I'm looking to the future with optimism and hope. I think it will be an interesting journey, one I'm very excited to embark on.